365 days

Day 37: Today, eat and run

Sat, 26 May 2012 02:31:17 -0700

Today I ate an entire package of red vines before biking home from work. I thought for sure I was going to have to take a puke stop but I made it home safely without purging myself.

I am paying for it now though big time. I still feel pukey and my jaw hurts from all the fucking red vines and I have to go to work in an hour. Shit.

BTW I thought biking was a suitable alternative to running. Those who know me know that I don’t run because of my huge bobble head. It hurts my neck…that is all.

Day 36: Say nothing today

Sat, 26 May 2012 02:27:33 -0700

Today was tough because I like to talk to people. I didn’t always like to talk to people. In fact, I didn’t always like people; however, I have recently come to the realization that there is much to learn from others. Everybody sees things in their own unique perspective, and I find it interesting to hear their perspectives.

So, from what the book says today wasn’t exactly a don’t say anything day, it was more of a day to say only what truly matters - words that need to be said. I am at a crossroads with this challenge…

What words do we say that don’t need to be said in one way or another?

Day 35: Today give little tasks to people around you

Tue, 22 May 2012 21:21:31 -0700

I didn’t do very well on today’s task. I did ask random favors from some of my coworkers but I’m not sure how that is much different from any other day really. I guess I didn’t have much contact with any other people today - kind of a lonely day.

I wonder if I have fallen into some kind of mini depressive mode since Brenda has been gone. The daily tasks aren’t the same without someone to share them with - someone to compare stories with. However, I will keep on keeping on without her because she will be back soon and we can continue this little game of ours. Miss you Brender boo - call me! There’s my task to you for the day!… —Chelsie

Does anyone have a task for me?

Day 34: Write to a dictator to stop torture

Mon, 21 May 2012 20:10:00 -0700

I haven’t completed today yet, partly because I can’t decide which dictator to write to and partly because I am fucking tired. Do you have any ideas as to what dictator I should write to? —Chelsie

Day 33: Be on the lookout for the paranormal

Mon, 21 May 2012 20:07:00 -0700

Day 33 was weird - not because I saw anything paranormal but because I had some funky ass dreams. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I typed up a short synopsis of my dreams so that I wouldn’t forget them. Here is what I typed:

“I just had one of those waking dreams…

It started as a normal dream but I could totally feel it… a ghost attacked me at starbucks and drug me into the back room.. at the end of the dream I was lying on a bed talking with Margo (my starbucks boss).

Then I was lying in the apartment in my bed reading a message on the wall (written on a piece of tape) from Brenda which I found odd because she is in Kenya although I knew I was really tired so I could have just been imagining it… then I heard the door rattle and I stayed really still because I didn’t know who it could be… maybe Brenda came home early? A man walked in and I froze.. he walked very slowly into the bathroom, did something then came out and went into the main apartment.. he was rummaging around and I was too scared to move, then he came into the closet where I was with a grin on his face and climbed on top of me.. I kicked and hit, jumped up and ran to the bathroom to turn on the light to see who he was where I discovered that he had already taken out all the light bulbs so that I couldn’t see him… I was still trying to escape when I woke up…

I felt both of these dreams with my entire body and I am not sure I can go back to sleep now..”

Fucking weird shit right. I suppose thinking about the paranormal all day made me dream about it. Too bad I couldn’t dream about hedgehogs. —Chelsie

Day 32: Tonight control your dreams

Mon, 21 May 2012 20:03:00 -0700

I know I am a bit behind, but it’s because Brenda is in Kenya and I am beyond depressed. Anyways… on day 32 I concentrated on hedgehogs, airplanes and midgets like the book suggested but I had no such dreams - quite a bummer actually because I really like baby hedgehogs and I could have used some nice dreams. I am glad this day is over because it means one more day without Brenda is over… —Chelsie

Day 31: Nauru Awareness Day

Fri, 18 May 2012 02:32:24 -0700

Hello everyone. The post for day 31 is a little late, well, because I have been a little busy. Brenda left for Kenya yesterday, so I went to sleep early in an attempt to avoid the silence of the apartment. I miss her face and laugh already. Anyways, moving on…

Today the task is to write a note to the President of a tiny island (Nauru) to let them know they are not forgotten. I just finished my note and will be sending it off in a few hours on my way to work.

According to the CIA World Factbook, Nauru is about 0.1 times the size of Washington D.C. In other words, it is very small! Also, they have been heavily mined for phosphate - probably bad news for them environmentally, but I suppose you have to make the paper somehow, someway.

Well, I am off to send the note now. Stay tuned for day 32, which I won’t post the results of until tomorrow because it deals with dreams :) Tutaonana people.

Day 30: Ignore today

Wed, 16 May 2012 20:19:25 -0700

We ignored today, kabisa kabisa kabisa…. Siku njema kila mtu. Kwaheri, tutaonana kesho. — Chelsie na Brenda

Day 29: Prank call someone about Jesus in a southern accent On...

Tue, 15 May 2012 20:24:49 -0700

Day 29: Prank call someone about Jesus in a southern accent

On the day of my new-found sobriety, I placed a call that was very close to my heart regarding the state of an entirely random person’s soul. I explained to the female voice on the other end of the line, the over-powering emotion of my conversion. My appeal moved the lady to such an extent that she offered a gift of twenty dollars to hear her prayer said on the radio. However, the prayer we heard was so personal, and selfless that we agreed to say her prayer on the radio free of charge.

And may the lord bless each and everyone you on this glorious summer evening,

The very reverent - Reverend Ross

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The above commentary is courtesy of our friend Matt Ross, who is our guest blogger for the day. Brenda and I are not very good at Southern accents, nor are we very good at not laughing at funny shit. Although I was pretty impressed that Brenda even talked to this lady on the phone (as Matt’s assistant). I almost peed my pants, I had to run to the bathroom. This lady was ready to give us her bank account information to put her prayer on the radio. Her prayer was that everyone who doesn’t have jobs, get jobs… very sweet of her, so we said her prayer for free (as Matt mentioned). Shit, funniest night ever. We will have Matt guest blog more often, but he already said he wouldn’t do the cigarette day. Dammit. —Chelsie and Brenda

Day 28: Choose your final meal on death row and make it. I...

Mon, 14 May 2012 22:53:30 -0700

Day 28: Choose your final meal on death row and make it.

I can’t really think of one specific meal that I would want on death row. I think I would just want a last taste of many different things. With this in mind, Brenda and I went to the gas station across the street from our apartment - we are regulars there. I would say we browsed the aisles for a good 10 minutes (all the while the Asian was watching us) before picking out our last meal selections. Mine consisted of oreos, red vines, and doritos. I would have also added chips and salsa from The Matador, but I can’t be driving all the way down there at 9 PM.

Anyways, when we got home we put our snacks on dinner plates and sat down to eat. Best last meal ever. I almost feel like I could die now - ok not really, but I feel happy. I also added wine to mine, but Brenda googled it, and we’re pretty sure alcohol is not allowed at last meals. Oh well. — Chelsie

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If this were real life and I wasn’t so damned tired and too lazy to cook, I would have had macaroni and cheese for my last meal. Probably with some broccoli. And also a little bit of Kenyan food for good measure. Our gas station snacks worked in a pinch, though. I also discovered how fucking delicious a combo of Cheeto Puffs and Red Vines can be. I might actually request those in addition to my mac and cheese if I were really on death row now. —Brenda

Day 27: Yes/No, Today you are not allowed to use the word yes or no. See how long you last.

Mon, 14 May 2012 00:09:00 -0700

I think I did a pretty good job today of avoiding the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’. To accomplish this though, I had to use the word ‘absolutely’ A LOT, and it turns out people really respond to that. I suppose when someone asks you something and you give an enthusiastic ‘absolutely’ the enthusiasm is contagious. I like it.

It is hard to be conscious of everything you say though, especially with words like ‘yes’ and ‘no’ that so readily flow from the tongue. I learned a lesson today that maybe I should focus more on the words that come out of my mouth. I mean really, if it was so hard to pay attention today and remember what I said, I can’t even imagine what I say on a completely oblivious day. That shit is scary. I’m telling you, Brenda and I need a reality show. Or at least a candid camera channel on youtube. I think people would pay to watch our ridiculous lives. — Chelsie

Hallo, this is also Chelsie, although now I am writing for Brenda because she is busy doing a shit ton of homework that she has to finish before she goes to Kenya (lucky bitch). Brenda forgot about today’s assignment until this evening when she gave it a fair go. She wants me to mention that she did say ‘negatory’ instead of no a few times and said ‘yeah’ and ‘ndio’ instead of yes. Like I said, she gave it a fair go for the short time that she had. Do you think you could go a day without saying yes or no? Try it, I dare you.

Day 26: Choose what you’d prefer to be reincarnated...

Sat, 12 May 2012 23:00:36 -0700

Day 26: Choose what you’d prefer to be reincarnated as

Again we have a very “blah” task for the day. Along with making our choice, we are supposed to send a $5 donation to the Dalai Lama… I suppose this is to ensure that our wishes are granted when we die.

I, however, do not believe that we humans have souls. Thus reincarnation is just another thing we have conjured up to make ourselves feel better about our eventual deaths. Despite my hopeless beliefs, I went along with the task and chose the awesome beetle pictured above. If you know me at all, you know I love insects. They are little world-changing machines that deserve a lot more respect than they get. I’m fascinated by how some can live dormant for years (YEARS!) in certain life stages only to turn into adults that can’t even eat and have a sole purpose of reproducing. Freaking neat. —Brenda

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Chelsie chose the poodle, only because Brenda once told her that poodles are some of the smartest dogs around, and Chelsie wants to come back as a somewhat intelligent being. Apparently Chelsie had about four paragraphs written about her decision, but when she went to save them as a draft in tumblr they were lost to the internet abyss. Now she is pissed off and has decided to let Brenda write her portion of the entry. Brenda told her that she hopes to die before Chelsie does, because Brenda is thoroughly creeped out by poodles. They stare into your soul. Not that Brenda thinks she has a soul. Shoot. Brenda’s whole view on life just became blurred. Fucking poodles… —Chelsie (?)

Day 25: Things you will never do before you die

Fri, 11 May 2012 20:38:10 -0700

For today there is a shit long list of shit in the book to look through and check off what you will never do before you die.

We each checked off our stuff in the book - as shown in the picture (Chelsie in blue and Brenda in black); however, I’m not too sure about my list because of course how do you know for sure what you will or will not do before you die? Hmm..so I just checked stuff that I am pretty freaking sure I will never do. —Chelsie

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We had some interesting differences of opinion here. I think my favorite agreement, though, was that neither of us will ever smoke a cat. —Brenda

What are some things you know you will never do before you die, dear reader?

Day 24: Barter Day

Thu, 10 May 2012 21:45:36 -0700

I am sitting in the laundromat now, debating on whether or not I want to ask the attendant to barter with me. Brenda and I brainstormed some barter ideas before I left the apartment to come here, but none of them seem to appealing or are even possible now that I am actually here. Here were some of the ideas:

- ask a fellow laundry doer to trade some detergent for a dryer sheet

- ask someone to trade me a quarter for a pencil

- that’s about all we could think of

So now I am here and the laundry attendant is nowhere to be found. I think she’s in the back room with her dogs - I can hear them barking. Also, I am the only one here doing laundry right now. There is a teenage boy sitting outside in a car that I thought about approaching for bartering purposes, but that may seem kind of creepy. He’s on the phone anyway, best not to interrupt him.

Since the laundromat was a bust, Brenda and I decided to barter amongst ourselves. Until we realized we don’t have any material goods that we want to trade. Another day of fail. —Chelsie

P.S. We are going to attempt to barter with someone within the next couple days just to see how they react. Stay tuned!

Day 23: Make a no-obligation appointment with a plastic surgeon...

Wed, 09 May 2012 20:29:13 -0700

Day 23: Make a no-obligation appointment with a plastic surgeon and see what he recommends.

We made an executive decision to not do the task for the day, as we both find it a little dumb and a lot impossible. We don’t have that kind of time, book, who do you think we are? Also, we like ourselves because we’re awesome and don’t need someone telling us we need nose jobs and chin implants. Thanks.

Now for some sad news. As you can see, my letter to the mass murderer that I sent the other day was returned to me. The reasoning is marked as being “unclaimed,” which tells me either I have the wrong address, the dude doesn’t receive any letters from strangers, or he is dead. I’m honestly really bummed. I thought that maybe I would get a response from him, or at least make some sort of tiny impact on his daily death row life. Alas. Maybe next time… —Brenda

Day 22: Today agree to meet someone in 10 years’ time....

Wed, 09 May 2012 20:11:09 -0700

Day 22: Today agree to meet someone in 10 years’ time. Fill in this coupon and hand it to a stranger or someone you hardly know.

We spaced on today and didn’t agree to meet anyone. We did however agree to meet each other in Watamu on May 8, 2022.

I fully intend to keep this pledge and hopefully we will already be there, so it will only be a walk into town :) I felt a little bad today because we didn’t follow the book rules exactly, but really we forgot about it until about 11 PM and anyone out on the streets at that hour is probably not someone I want to agree to meet up with in 10 years. I promise to be better about the book AND posting each day on time in the future. Well, except for tomorrow because it’s dumb. You will see. —Chelsie

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I feel Chelsie has done a good job at talking about this, so I don’t have much to add. I will mention, however, that when she says tomorrow, she really means today. Because today is yesterday’s tomorrow. Because we’re getting behind on doing our book blog entries. Because the book has been sorta dumb the past couple days. Yep. —Brenda

Day 21: Patriotism Day Today we had to choose a country out of...

Mon, 07 May 2012 21:37:00 -0700

Day 21: Patriotism Day

Today we had to choose a country out of the provided list in the book and “feel patriotic” about it for the day. I didn’t really want to play today, but I begrudgingly chose Russia. Because really, who doesn’t love Russia?

I spent the day silently thinking about “Mother Russia” and how sexy I think a lot of 20 to 40-something year old Russian men are. The book tells me that Russia’s anthem is titled “The Patriotic Song” and has no lyrics. I can dig it. —Brenda

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Out of the suggested countries to show patriotism for and celebrate today I chose Nigeria. So what I am obsessed with Africa… Anyways, here are a few things I have learned about Nigeria today:

- Nigeria is the 7th most populous country

- There are 521 registered languages spoken in Nigeria

- Nigeria has launched 4 satellites into space

- Nigeria has one of the highest literacy rates in Africa

- Nigeria was once under rule of the United Kingdom

I also sharpie-tattooed the Nigerian flag on my arm above my very real Kenya flag tattoo. Today is Nigerian patriotism day for me after all. Maybe I can cover my entire arm with flags of various African countries. Too much? Maybe.

I shared these facts and my homemade tattoo with people at school today, most of whom were a little weirded out by the unprovoked random trivia lesson. My geology professor got pretty excited though when I told him some of the info. He says that he was in the Nigeria group for his high school UN project. If that sounds ultra-dorky to you, it’s because it is. But anyways - Go Nigeria! Today is your day! —Chelsie

Day 20: Poetry Day

Sun, 06 May 2012 21:05:06 -0700

Today’s goal was to write a line for the ‘world’s longest poem.’ The idea is to send it in to the book authors and they will publish the poem when they deem it has reached a suitable conclusion. However, since the website to submit the poem to doesn’t even fucking exist anymore, the day is kind of a waste. But we are true to the book so we wrote our lines anyways.

Fingers twitching and money burning holes, —Brenda

(I really want to finish this with at least another line, but the book says only one.)

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For each day is a lifetime in itself. —Chelsie

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What would your line be if you could send one in? Oh, and it can only be 10 syllables per book instructions…

Day 19: Pretend to be a Secret Agent

Sun, 06 May 2012 21:00:12 -0700

The post for day 19 is late because we did not spend last night together to write it. Boo. Anyhow, here it is.

I’m no good at being a secret agent. Number 1 rule about secret agent-ness: don’t tell people you’re a secret agent. Fail. Oh well.. I spent the day silently observing the people around me. I tried to only answer questions briefly and only when necessary, until people started asking me about Kenya. Fail again. However, I did a pretty bang-up job of being really shifty at times. Also, we were instructed to eat the page the instructions were on, and I was totally able to do that with minimal gagging. —Brenda

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Today I dressed in all black and wore an earpiece while I watched people on a security camera. Of course all of this is part of my job ringing in coffee orders at the drive through window :) Nonetheless, I must say I looked extra secret agenty! I even held my hand up to my earpiece for most of the day for extra effect.

I am also always spying on people. Well, maybe it’s not exactly spying, but I am always watching people. I love to see what people do when they think no one is looking. Shit, I hope people don’t watch me when I think no one is looking. I probably do some weirdo shit. My mom is always telling me, “you know that tourette’s runs in our family, and when you get stressed out it can surface.” Sometimes I think she is just trying to get to me because she’s like that, but who knows. It’s a nice excuse though - so if you are watching me and I’m doing something weirdo I would like to say now that it must be the tourettes.

Being a secret agent is pretty fun and it could be a nice job, but then I would have to be secret agenty all the time, and I don’t think that’s possible. I screw around too much. Maybe I can be a part timer.

And the portion of the book page that I ate was delicious… <— may be a slight overstatement, but I ate it. —Chelsie

Day 18: Kill Something Day Today we killed two superworms. They...

Fri, 04 May 2012 20:30:29 -0700

Day 18: Kill Something Day

Today we killed two superworms. They are nasty critters and although they don’t deserve to die for it, we didn’t have too many qualms about murdering them. We used the -80 degrees freezer at school/work to do the deed, so it was a really indirect murder. Our conscience is clean.

Once the worms were put in the freezer, it was only a matter of seconds before they bit the dust. When they died, they rolled over on their backs with their creepy little legs sticking up. One of their heads oozed out some nasty slime shit, then we gave them a proper burial in the trash can. All said and done, they are probably happier now then they were living in a home of styrofoam peanuts, baby carrots and wood chips in the lab…or maybe not. All in the name of science… or a silly book.

Keep the worms in your thoughts tonight, or better yet, don’t. You will probably have nightmares.